Stronger than papa's old brandy...

Once again, the voice of the people...

I Am Annoying: Peoples' Edition

1.I'm not from Jersey, so I can't scream "Jerz!" at the top of my lungs
2. My eyes don't do crazy things in different light
3. Exercise-induced asthma
4. My face still breaks out like I'm 15
5. I get really offended when a colleague confronts me about work-related issues
6. That I can't put down the haze



7. That I can't make it through a Power Hour
8. My love/hate relationship with Beyonce
9. I'm jealous of people I don't even know
10. My hair grows too slowly to keep up with the current styles




And now for this week's theme...

Bright College Years: Pleasures of Higher Education

1. Never having a Friday class
2. Refereeing womens' volleyball games
3. Being around genuinely intelligent people
4. Shitty beer/ booze
5. Being able to pull without having to go on a date/ spend money
6. Late night conversations/ debates
7. My buddy's 21st birthday party
8. My five dollar couch from freshman year
9. The Justice League
10. Graduating

College: Not like the movies, but still pretty absurd. Throw down, people. Throw down.

But right now I feel so good, sing fa la la la...

Because there's been a bit of confusion as to how this project works, I've decided to outline some Crookeds and Straights basics:

What I Do

1. I plan on tossing out a new topic weekly. Sometimes, I will return to old topics that have gotten good responses e.g. Guilty Pleasures. Whenever I post a new topic, I will get the ball rolling with some of my own responses.

2. The week after I throw a topic out, I'll post The Peoples' Edition which are the best responses from the past week. In addition, I'll post the new week's topic (A little two'fer action).

3. If someone sends in a particularly good rant (see: Movie Annoyance re: 'I Am Legend'), I'll post it. Doesn't really matter if it has to do with the week's topic as long as it is good.

What You Do

1. Check out the week's topic (or really any earlier topic if you want) and post your pleasures or annoyances. If you reply on the website itself, you have the choice of being named or anonymous.

2. If you have a good rant, you can reply on the site itself or at crookedsandstraights@gmail.com

3. Subscribe if you want to stay abreast of what's going on with the project.

While I wish I could take credit for all of the gullery that takes place on this page, I can't. This is heavily driven by you guys and gals. In fact, the reason why I post my own pleasures and annoyances--outside of the fact that it amuses me--is because it's disingenuous to ask people to do something that I'm not doing myself.

With that said, also understand this: Much on this site represents the many facets of life, in fact, the point of it is to get a clue into how we're different and how we're the same. It's the kind of thing I hope starts conversations. And, without going so far as to put a disclaimer on the project, I will say: This is y'all.

As the guy sorting through the paperwork, I'll always strive to keep it friendly, even if it makes you cringe a bit. I won't allow out and out ugliness to be represented--that's what you can do when you're the boss--but there will be a bit of hot sauce every now and again.

Enjoy this. Spread this. It's definitely better than the clap.

I'm looking for a lover that won't blow my cover...

You know what time it is. And since I know you've had that junkie itch since I last posted a list, I'm here to give you what you want.

Theme of the Week: I Am Annoying

I've heard a good deal about what annoys you about the world around you, now I'm curious about what chaps your ass about the world inside of you.

As usual, I'll go first...

1. My flat feet
2. Not being able to grow a full beard
3. That I can't stop biting my finger nails
4. That I care what people who don't actually matter think
5. That I'll do something out of a sense of obligation which may not be deserved
6. That I can't draw
7. That I can allow fear to make decisions for me
8. I have arthritis in my knee
9. That I've allowed myself to be bullied
10. That I lose momentum following a good idea
11. That I sweat easily

There you have it. Reply here or with the e-mail. Stay up.

This is a town without pity...

Here again is the Peoples' Edition of The C&S Project. This is a sampling of the recent offerings. Enjoy.

Random Pleasures

1. Del's Lemonade
2. The last channel button on the remote
3. Bacon
4. Not needing Viagra
5. Walking barefoot in freshly mowed grass

Random Annoyances

1. Passive-aggressive notes from co-workers regarding "kitchen etiquette."
2. Being stuck behind someone that doesn't know how to use the self checkout at the grocery store
3. Getting a gas pump that doesn't have the tab that lets it pump itself
4. Walking into a room and forgetting why you went there in the first place
5. The person you have to hang out with because your friends are friends with them

Guilty Pleasures

1. "The Pina Colada Song" by Rupert Holmes
2. Telling someone who is a douche and/or isn't taking me seriously that I, very casually, graduated from Yale
3. Being loud enough for the neighbors to hear :)
4.Ignorant and degrading rap
5. Teabagging
6. "The King of Wishful Thinking" by Go West
7. Tall, strapping white men.
8. Looking at pictures of myself on facebook
9. Making the elephant tattoo on my foot 'dance' by wiggling my toes which really just makes it look like he is wiggling his butt.
10. Hating things for no real reason, like: my roommate's boyfriend, children in general, vegetarians, Boston, the Cubs and their fans.
11. My Gucci fanny pack. (I've only worn it like 5 times because it is a fanny pack, but I'm obsessed with it because its Gucci. And a designer fanny pack. brilliant idea.)

Movie Annoyances

1. Misandry: The treatment of men as dogs who should be grateful a women would ever bend her knee so as to scoop up their crabapples; epitomized in such jokes of filmmaking as 'Sex and the City' and 'Hitch'.
2. Zionist or Judeo-Christian allegory. See: '300,' 'I Am Legend' or every Foreign Language Oscar winner of the past 15 years.
3.AND ANOTHER THING about I am Legend! - If the zombies needed to eat humans, how could they survive in the city for years without eating Will Smith? And if they ate other things, WHY DID THEY NEED TO EAT WILL SMITH AT ALL? Akiva Goldsman: Please give your Oscar back.
4. Action scenes with no entry wounds: Seeing a gun go off or a sword swipe, then cutting away from impact and only seeing the victim fall, is lame.
5. Brett Ratner: Destroyed three franchises: X-Men, Hannibal Lecter, and his own Rush Hour.
6. Talking animated animals.
7. Emile Hirsch: His face.

8. Pacino's movie career over the last decade.
9. When scenes are in the preview but then not in the movie.
10. Shooting city movies in cities that don't even really look right, even a little. e.g. 'Rumble in the Bronx' was shot in Toronto and it's painfully obvious.

Per my desire to always innovate the project, I've decided that, every now and again, I'll be posting columns that have to do with some pleasure or annoyance. Moreover, I invite anyone who feels a few lines isn't enough to properly convey their feelings to e-mail me these thoughts. Much like the Peoples' List, I'll post the truly epic rants. Thanks for stopping by.

It's a good idea, break a promise to your mother...

Alright, you should know what the business is at this point. As you may have noticed, I started a group for this little project. I have nothing to bribe you with other than thanks, so I'll just thank you a lot in advance for putting people onto the project--or proyecto as my Cuban duns call it.

Theme of the Week: MOVIE ANNOYANCES. These can be general or movie specific.




1. Costume anachronisms-- If it's 1989, why are people wearing football cleats that came out last year?

2. When Arnold gets shot directly in the shoulder/chest area by the Predator but only gets a flesh wound--Carl Weathers got his damn arm shot off!

3.When people think "splitting up" is a good idea.

Open up your heart and let the hate out.

I'm a monster, every day is Halloween...

In an attempt to add a new wrinkle to the Crookeds and Straights project, I've decided to work by theme. Theme of the Week: GUILTY PLEASURES

Though I'm sure you don't live under rocks and thus know what a guilty pleasure is, I'll explain a bit anyway. It's essentially something you should generally be ashamed of liking, but gosh darn if it doesn't tickle your fancy.

Since no one's had a chance to respond (seeing as I just made it up) I'll throw down a few of my own. Don't judge me.

GUILTY PLEASURES

1. Lite radio
2. "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys
3. Romantic comedies
4. Picking my nose
5. BET (in highly-regulated doses)
6. "Believe" by Cher
7. OK magazine
8. Spandex
9. The E! Network
10. "We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off" by Jermaine Stewart

Throw down. If you're tough enough.